It's really good. And he emphasizes that we don't want to take anything away from the progress made by women, but if we want that progress to continue, we need to be doing more for our boys. As a teacher, I would love for there to be more financial incentive for men AND women to stay in the profession, so any moves to draw more men in will benefit me as well.
Sarah, this was an excellent piece and one that echoes a lot of conversations we have in our home. My husband is a fourth grade teacher at a classical school, and his heart aches for his boys who are often short-changed by the academic system that doesn’t consistently meet their needs. He’s the first male teacher his students have, and I always love seeing how the boys flourish in his class, although it’s saddening that they have to wait until fourth grade for that experience.
I agree with this post on all levels, especially the need for more male teachers. My son's few male teachers made a world of positive difference for him. I would add that, in spite of my general support for education's emphasis on diversity and teaching about racial and social historic injustices, my son (age 22) also is burdened by growing up being taught that as a white male he's inherently guilty and part of the problem. He is a kind, caring, sensitive young man who struggled academically. It's easy to see how guys like him can feel defensive--accused of being privileged, oppressive, and clueless--when he's just trying to do his best, do the right thing, and be a nice guy. Instead of enhancing his sensitivity and empathy for others, society's messages to young white males can desensitize and harden guys like him. Thanks for spotlighting the need for more support of boys and young men.
Male teachers of all races from pre-K on would make a world of difference! And I wish we could find a meaningful way to shift the discussion to "we need to acknowledge and understand the mistakes and sins of the past so that we can move forward and you can be part of the solution." I wish we could do that in a lot of areas. And I really try to emphasize that with my empathetic son.
Jul 21, 2023·edited Jul 21, 2023Liked by Sarah Styf
Great essay and I agree. For me it boils down to two worries:
What I worry about for my daughter is this idea that to be a successful woman you must be indistinguishable from a successful man in career, desires, life and overlooking their unique superpowers.
What I worry about for my son is that to achieve the first, we are beating down what it means to be a man and the unique superpowers that they have so women can compete.
The result is a lot of unhappy men and women and we are seeing that manifest in the studies, especially mental health.
Yes. Women have unique superpowers that make them excellent leaders and voices in boardrooms. We should see how we complement each other and lift up our strengths while understanding that no one fits into a neat little box. I don't want my son to see women as competition but as genuine partners in the world. He should still be allowed to be himself in the process.
Beautiful, Sarah. Also, lovely recording/narration to go with it. :) I'm not a mom, but I do hear a lot about the crisis with our societal expectations with men/boys to be manly and not show emotions. It's a problem b/c they grow up thinking you have to be a certain way. I listen to a lot of Prof G's (Scott Galloway's) podcast. He is a father and focuses a lot of his podcast on masculinity. (In case you're interested! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/media-tumult-masculinity-failure-and-fatherhood-with/id1498802610?i=1000621735410)
First, thank you for commenting on the narration. I've played with it and I'm not sure if it's something I'm going to stick with, but it's good to hear that it's appreciated!
And I'll have to check out that episode. It looks fascinating. Holy Post also discussed Emba's article in their latest episode and Pantsuit Politics had an excellent episode where they discussed the book Of Boys and Men, a book I highly recommend everyone read.
“Put the knives away” 😂 great piece, Sarah! You highlighted so many core reasons, from such a wise perspective, that the patriarchal society we have really benefits no one- just some more than others. No one is free until we are *all* free- and boys are getting hurt too. I don’t believe feminism will see its mission complete until everyone is unbound from a lot of the constructs of our current society.
I think about the boys and relationships one so much. Why is it normalized for men to pivot to their family unit and friends to just drop off? So many emotionally mature men I know have such a different approach to friendship than I do ... and I think there has to be a better way of doing things for the men in our society.
I don't know why it is so normalized to see mature men lose friendships in adulthood, because they NEED friendships as much as women do. While we were on vacation, I watched my husband reunite with his BIL who has also been his good friend since high school. We stood in a parking lot for over an hour as the two of them reminisced about HS and it was a joy to watch the two of them have so much joy in hanging out again. I wish we could see them more often (they live in Florida).
Yes! I have no idea why. It’s truly baffling to me . There’s so much evidence to support how good friendships are for us... but men still lose them. I feel like it’s part of trying to fit the “family man” mold
I am interested in reading that book.
It's really good. And he emphasizes that we don't want to take anything away from the progress made by women, but if we want that progress to continue, we need to be doing more for our boys. As a teacher, I would love for there to be more financial incentive for men AND women to stay in the profession, so any moves to draw more men in will benefit me as well.
Sarah, this was an excellent piece and one that echoes a lot of conversations we have in our home. My husband is a fourth grade teacher at a classical school, and his heart aches for his boys who are often short-changed by the academic system that doesn’t consistently meet their needs. He’s the first male teacher his students have, and I always love seeing how the boys flourish in his class, although it’s saddening that they have to wait until fourth grade for that experience.
Yes! I think a male teacher in early childhood works be home for so many boys, academically, emotionally, and mentally.
I agree with this post on all levels, especially the need for more male teachers. My son's few male teachers made a world of positive difference for him. I would add that, in spite of my general support for education's emphasis on diversity and teaching about racial and social historic injustices, my son (age 22) also is burdened by growing up being taught that as a white male he's inherently guilty and part of the problem. He is a kind, caring, sensitive young man who struggled academically. It's easy to see how guys like him can feel defensive--accused of being privileged, oppressive, and clueless--when he's just trying to do his best, do the right thing, and be a nice guy. Instead of enhancing his sensitivity and empathy for others, society's messages to young white males can desensitize and harden guys like him. Thanks for spotlighting the need for more support of boys and young men.
Male teachers of all races from pre-K on would make a world of difference! And I wish we could find a meaningful way to shift the discussion to "we need to acknowledge and understand the mistakes and sins of the past so that we can move forward and you can be part of the solution." I wish we could do that in a lot of areas. And I really try to emphasize that with my empathetic son.
Thoughtful and practical points! Gender barriers are bad for all our children.
Great essay and I agree. For me it boils down to two worries:
What I worry about for my daughter is this idea that to be a successful woman you must be indistinguishable from a successful man in career, desires, life and overlooking their unique superpowers.
What I worry about for my son is that to achieve the first, we are beating down what it means to be a man and the unique superpowers that they have so women can compete.
The result is a lot of unhappy men and women and we are seeing that manifest in the studies, especially mental health.
Yes. Women have unique superpowers that make them excellent leaders and voices in boardrooms. We should see how we complement each other and lift up our strengths while understanding that no one fits into a neat little box. I don't want my son to see women as competition but as genuine partners in the world. He should still be allowed to be himself in the process.
Beautiful, Sarah. Also, lovely recording/narration to go with it. :) I'm not a mom, but I do hear a lot about the crisis with our societal expectations with men/boys to be manly and not show emotions. It's a problem b/c they grow up thinking you have to be a certain way. I listen to a lot of Prof G's (Scott Galloway's) podcast. He is a father and focuses a lot of his podcast on masculinity. (In case you're interested! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/media-tumult-masculinity-failure-and-fatherhood-with/id1498802610?i=1000621735410)
First, thank you for commenting on the narration. I've played with it and I'm not sure if it's something I'm going to stick with, but it's good to hear that it's appreciated!
And I'll have to check out that episode. It looks fascinating. Holy Post also discussed Emba's article in their latest episode and Pantsuit Politics had an excellent episode where they discussed the book Of Boys and Men, a book I highly recommend everyone read.
“Put the knives away” 😂 great piece, Sarah! You highlighted so many core reasons, from such a wise perspective, that the patriarchal society we have really benefits no one- just some more than others. No one is free until we are *all* free- and boys are getting hurt too. I don’t believe feminism will see its mission complete until everyone is unbound from a lot of the constructs of our current society.
I think about the boys and relationships one so much. Why is it normalized for men to pivot to their family unit and friends to just drop off? So many emotionally mature men I know have such a different approach to friendship than I do ... and I think there has to be a better way of doing things for the men in our society.
Interdependent -that’s it in one word. 😊
I don't know why it is so normalized to see mature men lose friendships in adulthood, because they NEED friendships as much as women do. While we were on vacation, I watched my husband reunite with his BIL who has also been his good friend since high school. We stood in a parking lot for over an hour as the two of them reminisced about HS and it was a joy to watch the two of them have so much joy in hanging out again. I wish we could see them more often (they live in Florida).
Yes! I have no idea why. It’s truly baffling to me . There’s so much evidence to support how good friendships are for us... but men still lose them. I feel like it’s part of trying to fit the “family man” mold
It's something that needs more research, for sure.