Delighting in My Children's Growth

Without losing myself in the process

Photo by matimix on Canva Pro

First, May book news

During May, I am participating in a BookFunnel sales promotion. If you use this link, you can find a variety of indie authors to support: https://books.bookfunnel.com/memoirmay2024/k342lxhyoo

As a bonus, if you choose to use the link to purchase my book from my Payhip store, you can use the following coupon code during May to get my book 50% off: W9VBAOYVRE

The book will be delivered to you via an email from BookFunnel.

And don’t forget to check out the Kickstarter for my next book!

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I held back the tears as I watched the third quarter slip away from them. I was so proud of my son and his friends, I just wanted them to have one last win before this era of playing basketball on the same team came to an end. They had come so far in the two seasons we watched them play together. There had been bumps in the road, but more often than not they played as a team, encouraging each other along the way. Eventually, the win got away from them. There were too many mistakes for them to recover the lead they had gained in the first half. But when we asked our son how he felt about the game after all was said and done, he just proudly said he played his best and he was happy to have played one more game with his best friends. It was all we could have asked for.

Most mothers hear it from well-meaning elderly women when their children are babies: “Enjoy this while it lasts.” In the midst of lost sleep, body image issues, and frustration over all of the things they don’t know, these same new mothers do not want to hear about how much they are going to miss the days that their little ones fit in the crook of their arm. They just want to know when they are going to feel human again.

And to be fair, I loved the peaceful moments when my two babies fit safely in my arms. I loved snuggling them and kissing the fuzz on top of their heads. I still have that magic sway and will happily hold anyone’s baby if they ask me to.

But I truly enjoy watching my kids become the young adults that they are. I love watching them discover their interests and finding their place. And I love watching them succeed as they do so.

In my first book, Embracing the Journey, I have a chapter about how I just love watching my kids play sports. While our daughter has shifted away from playing sports, both of our kids are still actively involved in activities in which they thrive.

After years of playing sports (although not always successfully), our teenager daughter really found her footing in choir and drama during her eighth grade year. When she didn’t make show choir last spring, we resigned ourselves to a year of watching her perform on occasion, but when the choir director changed, she got another chance at the beginning of the year to audition for the high school show choirs. In a year where the auditorioum was closed for school construction and the theater program put on hold, we have spent our first year as high school parents learning the ins and outs of show choir. After years of joking that we gave her the wrong middle name (Grace), we watched as she grew in confidence and ability.¹ We spent most of February and March driving to show choir competions, including two very early mornings as I took her to school to meet the bus and then came home to brew the coffee so that we were awake and ready to cheer on her and her choirmates. She thrived in her new environment, overcoming much of the trauma of our cross-country move and the year of junior high bullying that came after that. And we proudly watched in awe every time she went onstage, genuine joy over just how far she’s come in the past two years.

Her little brother kept us running in a different direction. We got to squeeze out one last season of soccer in-between practices and games for his first ever season of tackle football, his true love. While a spleen injury almost sidelined him for the remainder of 2023, he was back on the basketball court by mid-November and was cleared to play two games into his school’s JV season. As a starter on the fifth and sixth grade team, we got to see him play a lot of basketball over the next three months, and then added to it when we signed him up for a church league in our town so he could meet some more kids before we transfer him to the public junior high next year. I know that football has become his real love, but I prefer watching him play basketball. I love watching him grow in skill, looking like he belongs on the court. That’s probably why I’m nervously waiting to see what will happen when he’s forced to try out for a seventh grade team from which he could potentially be cut, because my husband and I both believe it’s his most natural sport. Not watching him play next year would be a blow to the entire family.

Are the teenage years challenging? Yes.² Do I often not know what I’m doing? Yes. Do I feel like I’m making mistakes at every turn? Yes.

But I love this phase. I love watching them develop their skills and grow in confidence and push to be better. Giving up our weekends and sleep and consistent eating schedules can be hard, but I know that this is only going to last for a season of our lives, and once that season is gone, I will miss watching them perform at their highest level.

I recently told a friend that I’m not afraid of the empty nest. I know what I will do once my evenings and weekends are not consumed by kids’ activities. I have goals and hopes and dreams for after this stage of our lives is gone.

But I’m not ready for it. I’m not afraid of the empty nest; I just don’t want them to go yet. I love being their mom, and most days, I even like being their mom.³ If there’s one thing that 21st-century motherhood has taught me is that we can delight in our children without losing ourselves in the process, and I believe that is progress.

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1. I also wrote about the collapse of my dreams of being a dance mom and my daughter’s rejection of piano in my book, Embracing the Journey.

2. My son keeps reminding me that he’s not a teenager yet, but he turns 13 this summer. He might as well be a teenager at this point. He certainly eats like one.

3. Only a parent can fully understand that there is a signficant difference between loving and liking your kids 😜 We all have our moments.