Halfway Through My Forties

What I'm still embracing as I move through middle age

Photo by inkdrop on Canva Pro

I didn’t dread turning 40.

Now, if you had told me how the first five years of my forties would go, I might have felt a little different about the start of a new decade, but I faced “middle-age” with a lot of optimism. As I wrote in my blog post five years ago, I chose “to not see 40 as the start of the decline…but the continuation of a life that just gets better with age.”

So how am I doing with my goals for my 40s?

I said I wanted to pursue health and healthy body image over a number on a scale. This became more difficult to own as a pandemic, a traumatic job loss, and a difficult move across the country wreaked havoc on my weight, even as I kept up my running practice. But I didn’t stop running and exercising. A friend convinced me to run the St. Louis Half Marathon and I was so proud of myself that I ran the Indy Mini a year later. With our move, I finally found a family doctor, had my first OBGYN appointment in years, and have now gone through two annual mammograms. I’m not loving the extra pounds that won’t go away or the extra wrinkles around my eyes, but I am doing everything I can to take care of my body and to share that practice with my children.

I said that I wanted to be more intentional about making and maintaining my friendships. I had no idea what a global pandemic would do to this. I had no idea that I would face a job loss that would reveal who my real friends were. I had no idea that we would return to a place that we loved with friendships that had changed and would need rekindling and reshaping after years away. But I am working on keeping the friendships that meant the most to me in the years we lived in Texas. I’m working on rebuilding relationships in Indianapolis. And I’m working on developing new friendships along the way. It’s not easy to develop new relationships in middle-age, especially for an introvert like me. But I’m trying.

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Friendship for a Season

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I said that I wanted to be the change I want to see in the world. I knew how idealistic it sounded then and I know how idealistic it sounds now. But I’ve been doing my best. Jeff and I still mourn the loss of the solar panels we installed in Houston eight months before we moved back to Indiana. We keep looking for similar options here and won’t give up until we find the solution that works for us. I started using a menstrual cup. (And guys I don’t care if this is TMI because ladies, it has been a life changer and I wish I hadn’t waited until perimenopause to figure it out. Speaking of which, why didn’t anyone tell us about perimenopause?!?!) Our family started composting so we could raise worms for our axolotls, but it’s also allowed us to provide rich dirt for our neighbor’s tomato plants and we’re attempting to grow just one tomato plant this year. I’m constantly working on how I interact online. I’m working to buy locally whenever possible. And as a teacher, I’m assigning papers and activities that challenge my students to think for themselves and look for solutions to problems instead of just arguing into the void.

I said that I wanted to pursue dreams and accept challenges that go with those dreams. And over the past five years, I have. I self-published some of my favorite blog posts into a book of essays that I’m proud of. You can read the first section of the book at this link and check out the special birthday offer below to read the whole book. I’m so close to finishing my next book and I’m looking forward to publishing it by the end of the summer. I fulfilled a professional dream of presenting at NCTE and I’ve started presenting at conferences with my peers. I love teaching again and I’m looking forward to teaching my dream course next year as I fully move into teaching dual credit composition. Jeff and I traveled to Hawaii! And I’m just barely scratching the surface of all I hope and plan to do before I turn 50.

I said that I wanted to be better about focusing on my family. Three years ago, my kids might have said I was failing there. Our sudden decision to move across the country back to Indiana wasn’t for my career. We did it so we could heal, and we have. The scars from everything leading up to our decision to move and the move itself still remain, but our kids genuinely love where we are now. They have good friendships and they’ve embraced their lives as Hoosiers, again. I love living in the same city as one of my sisters and spending time with our nieces and nephew. We’ve been able to spend more time with another sister and niece and nephews. We enjoy making quick trips up to Michigan to visit parents without the guilt of not staying for more than 24 hours. And despite the challenges of parenting teens, we still feel like we have a pretty good handle on our family and try to ensure that we make time to spend time as just the four of us.

My 40s haven’t been everything I dreamed they would be, but in many ways, the reality has been better than the dream. I’m looking forward to what is ahead and hoping I have even more to reflect on in five more years.

Now, help me celebrate my birthday! 🎂

First, enjoy a free preview of the first section of my book, Embracing the Journey, by following the link to this BookFunnel Nonfiction Newsletter Builder:

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