Deceptive Promises

My first teaching job was full of promises and hope, but I had a lot to learn

Photo by hjalmeida on Canva Pro

Note: The story of my faith journey, church trauma, and spiritual abuse is inextricably linked to the stories of my parents and sisters, but this is my story. Their experiences, memories, and hurt are separate from my own and I do not speak for them. Details are also their own and not mine to share, and so I keep the details where they matter only to my own experiences.

There is a paywall below. If you would like to support my writing but you do not want to commit to being a paid subscriber, please consider a one-time donation. I will give you one month of access to all paid content.

---

I’ve always had an unnatural amount of idealism.

I love to think about a better and improved future. I constantly want to be a better wife, mom, teacher, and citizen. I want to be a better and more faithful follower of Jesus.

I love dreaming about what “could be.”

And perhaps that is why I so easily fell for the promises presented when I interviewed for my first teaching position at a small Lutheran school on the far south side of Chicago.

As I said before, I went into the family business. And I didn’t just go into education. I went in to Lutheran education. When I graduated with my education degree from Concordia University, Nebraska, I left with both a Nebraska teaching license and a Lutheran Teacher Diploma. I could honestly teach anywhere I wanted, as long as I was willing to jump through state licensing hoops. But I was ready to teach in a Lutheran high school. It was my dream, and nothing was going to stand in my way.

So during the winter of 2002, after Jeff and I got married and I moved back to Michigan, I substitute taught at any school that would take me. I went to my biology classes to take the one science class keeping me from a May graduation. And I waited for the phone calls.

At the time, the Lutheran school placement system worked like this: the placement office at my university fielded phone calls from Lutheran schools around the country in search of teachers. They would go through the files of all available candidates and give the school a list of names with specific information about each candidate, including school activities, specializations, and areas of interest. Then the schools would decide which candidates they wanted to interview.

I was graduating with licensing to teach both English and history. I wasn’t unique. There were several candidates graduating with those majors and not a lot of jobs to go around. I watched as friends got their placements and I still waited for a phone call. Jeff asked if I should consider applying for public school positions, but I was stubborn. I didn’t want to stay in Michigan and I wanted a Lutheran school position. I would wait.

I finally got word my name had been sent to two schools, and I got a phone call from one of them, asking if Jeff and I were available to drive over to Illinois to meet with the president of the board of education and check out the school’s open house the following Sunday. I didn’t want to move to Illinois. I still held onto dreams of moving to Colorado. But I needed a job more than I needed to fulfill my travel dreams, so I agreed to meet with them.

Our first stop when we arrived in Illinois was to meet up with the president of the board. He was kind and excited to meet us, and full of ideas of what could be for a school he genuinely cared about. He spoke openly about the school’s struggles. At one point, the school had over 100 students and appeared to be thriving, but something had happened that dropped enrollment and they were struggling to compete against the other area private schools. In an area where the public schools were also struggling, a Lutheran school with a strong program should have been able to draw students, but it didn’t appear to be happening.

But the board had a plan for a new building, and the president said he and many others were certain the promise of a new building on land that was already purchased would help increase enrollment. He shared those plans with us, and I got excited. Yes, this job would be a challenge, but I would get to be a part of something new and exciting. He had my full attention now.

Then he directed us to the high school so we could see the building and meet some of the staff.

We showed up to the school for the open house…and were not impressed. It was a small building, and really old. The board had acquired an abandoned elementary school so it could start the school several years before. It was supposed to be temporary. All of the classrooms circled around the gymnasium in the center. It didn’t feel like a high school. I felt my heart sink just a little.